Excerpt : Relationships and Sex

During a counseling session with a man, he said that there is no need for his wife to know about his past; moreover he has a child from another woman.

Response

When you are married, you ceased from being two flesh, two minds, but one flesh and one mind. It is evil if you have such secret and you did not tell your wife, as much as it is hurtful you will hurt yourself the more if you do not tell her, only if you are not a Christian. It is advantageous to discuss it so that you can free your mind from the guilt of your past. There is a Yoruba adage “You do not hide from the person that will bury you”. She is your wife, you are not meant to keep things from her. You do not expect her not to be angry because you have taken a long time to tell her such trivial matter.

You do not have a choice now than to tell her, whatever the response. Do not forget that she may have her own fears which may include the position her own children in the family, all she has worked for, properties and will, and good future for her children. Apart from all these, do not expect that she is not going to be disappointed. You must be ready to work things out with her sincerely. You need to assure her that everything will be settled amicably.

You also need to know that you have broken the trust she has for you, but if you really want your relationship back, you will not mind to start building your trust again, and by the help of the Holy Spirit, she will forgive you and start to see you as her husband once again.

Should I still be hiding my sexual feelings from my wife?

Response

Briefly let me start by asking what marriage is? Marriage is the coming together of one man and one woman, becoming one flesh, one mind, for the purpose of mutuality and fulfillment.

Then, can I hide from myself? Can I hide my eye from my nose? You must understand that when two flesh becomes one, you cannot hide from the other person.

You need to know that the male sexuality is different from female sexuality and this is because of our physiological differences and that our sexuality is affected by some factors like hormones which have an influence on our sexual feelings and emotions.

 You should not hide your feelings from the woman you love.  Before you decided to marry her, you had been having feelings towards her; same feelings got you to the altar. Why didn’t you propose to another person instead of her? Definitely, because you never had feelings toward another person except her. 1Corinthians 7:5 reads, defraud (deny) ye not one another, except with consent for a time that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and together come again, that you may not be tempted for your incontinency.
 
It is very advantageous to know how your spouse feels sexually, because it will cause you to understand her. There is a need for couples to work out sexual differences they may have.

I want you to know that it is very right to have sexual feeling towards your wife, it is how the Lord has made it. Sex is one of the tools that brings mutuality between you and you wife. Sex, apart from procreation is also a way to express one’s feelings in marriage relationship. There is a problem if you have sexual feeling towards another person apart from your wife. It can be that you are gratifying your lust, so you need to renew your mind.