Excerpt : Relationships and Sex

Why Should I Save Sex For Marriage?

When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and plan. The Genesis account of creation makes it clear that God’s creation is good Genesis 1:31. But mankind has a history of distorting what God has made, whether out of ignorance or just plain stubbornness.

Sex was God’s idea, God created it. And therefore it is reasonable to expect that it is good. But when man distorts it by ignoring God’s specific standard, it’s becomes harmful and destructive to man.

“Why save sex for marriage?” is really a question of understanding God’s way, and experiencing the beauty of His plan, but we can choose to do things our way and experience harm and destruction Proverb 16:25.

 Why sex? Was it in in plan of God? God wants us to develop intimacy, procreation. When God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” Genesis 1:28, they probably figured out that He wanted them to have sex, because that is the only means to get a woman pregnant. There must be some constraints on how it was to be used, so He specifically relegated sex to the arena of marriage, one man and one woman.  The kind of intimacy that God desires between married couples cannot occur between one person and several others; it can only be experienced between one man and one woman. Hence God has specifically said. “Do not commit adultery” Exodus 20:14 and “Flee sexual immorality” 1 Corinthians 6:18, that is, do not have sex with someone who you are not married to. Obedience requires that sex be reserved for one’s spouse till you are married.

So far we have two basic reasons to save sex for marriage: (1) God tells us to and (2) God’s purpose and design for sex cannot be fully achieved any other way. Many, though, have argued that non-marriage sex is not that harmful. Let’s look carefully at the potential consequences for this particular area of disobedience.

Sex outside of marriage causes damage in at least two areas: (1) physical consequences, and [2] relational consequences. The physical consequences are becoming increasingly obvious and dangerous in today’s society. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are fierce realities. The only true safe sex is abstinence. There is always the risk that children could be born-possibly grown without two parents. Your actions affect your life, your partner’s life, and the lives of your family members. They can result in handicapping an innocent baby’s life, worst of all; the willful destruction of human life-abortion often results from pre-marital sex. The relational consequences are just as real, though they may be more difficult to grasp. First, sin always damages a person’s relationship with God. Second relational damage happens between a Christian and those who are watching his life style.

For a man or woman who had had sex with themselves or someone else before marriage, sex outside marriage may damage their relationship. Trusting themselves also become an issue, since they cherish sex and could not wait for a marriage commitment, how can they trust one another for fidelity? Conversely, a man and a woman build trust and respect for one another when they both survive the struggles of self-control, each will have the confidence that the other respects them, and cherishes their intimacy.

Similarly, if a person has not carried sexual purity into marriage, his or her marriage relationship is affected by the past. If a man or woman has previously had sex with someone else, their marital intimacy has already been affected. One or both spouses will have to deal with real or perceived comparisons with “former lovers” and feeling that intimacy was not important enough for the other persons to wait for it.

Why save sex for marriage? We’ve discussed several reasons, God commands to us, God’s purpose and plan for sex can only be achieved within marriage and the physical and relational consequences for sex outside marriage are painfully real.