Excerpt: Relationships and Sex

Compatibility in Relationship

This is another issue of great consideration. Marriage institutions, Men of God, parents and people in general have a misconception on what and who is compatible for marriage.

During counseling sections on marriage relationship, people are advised on compatibility, that the other person involved must be compatible, i.e. must share the same goal, idea, religion, health status, tribe, language, culture, background, behaviour etc. I will not encourage marriage relationship with any one that is not a Christian [born-again], I am relating to Christians and such relationship with unbeliever is not binding.

As Christians, we have so many doctrines on how to start a relationship; some are borne out of conviction and others out of tradition of our Church founders?  Colossians 2:8 “Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world and not after Christ”.

I have been to seminars and recently in the course of writing this book, I was in a seminar where an eloquent speaker said the same thing about compatibility in marriage. They all mention compatibility as a factor to consider before starting relationship; they listed health, genotype, behaviour and tribe as factors at the same.  1Timothy 6:20 “Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings and oppositions of science falsely so called”. When did God become a man? When did God start reasoning like a man? As much as the factors are to be considered, they also do not have scriptural bases and so it limits God. 2Timothy3:5 “Having a form of Godliness but denying the power thereof, from such turn away”. God created everything and knows everything. He wants to take His glory in the situation Heb. 2:10. “For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings”. I have heard of so many situations when relationships are scattered either by parents or pastors in Churches because of health, genotype and tribe.

There was a case whereby a man brought a HIV positive lady for marriage in the Church and the church disagreed but years later when God healed the lady, the same Church conducted the marriage service. Is there a limitation to what God can do? Or how He chose to do what He wants to do? His ways are not our ways; we cannot understand everything about God because He is a God of mystery. If He can make stones to praise Him, what can He not do? He brings together those things condemned and those that does not make sense, and made something that made sense out.

I have always asked this question, what if that physically challenged damsel or man is your daughter or your son, are you going to encourage him or her not to love or feel loved? Are you going to encourage him or her to accept compliment or not?  If he brings a lady home, are you going to go behind him and tell the lady that she’s stupid, how would she ever want to marry a liability? There is always a selfish interest from one side.  Is the spirit and soul of a sick person sick? Is the spirit and soul of a physically challenged person also disabled? No doubt, they may be challenged, if our souls and spirits are beautiful, there’s too are beautiful, bible did not say that some of us are wonderfully made, No, it says “we are fearfully and wonderfully made”. He or she may be challenged physically, but the inside is beautiful.

Another situation is the issue of genotype. Definitely, it is on a very high side to afford treatment for sickle cell anemia and it is always very traumatic for the parents and the sick person, but it is not a curse, if they are loved or feel loved.

 I want to challenge the parents and authorities by asking whose testimony they will believe. Man or God.  Definitely ‘God’, so let whatever that is God be, because when it stands the test of time, it is still going to be God. Titus 1:16 “They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him”.

The essence of relationship is the mutuality, togetherness, an agreement which is only achieved by understanding not compatibility. Compatibility should be a result that comes from a relationship or aftermath of a relationship, by the virtue that two people come together they become compatible because they understand each other.

It takes two to tango. Tango is a kind of dance and for two people to dance perfectly together; they must have understood each other’s steps, body movements and other dancing skills. They must also get the timing and have an ability to go along with the move at any time. If two has to tango, they must also come to realize and appreciate the weakness and strong will of each other, which take a lot of understanding and bending.

Here on earth is a story of a girl that had cancer of the bone, she’s been living on chemotherapy and medical analysis says she will soon die, but before she died, she found love and felt fulfilled.

Compatibility is not easily achieved, but if the people involved are Christians, because it only takes a Christian to understand love, because love is the expression of God, then we are assured that we can achieve a lot together as compatible couples.